I've been a mom to Liam for exactly three weeks today. Here's what I have learned so far.
- I do have three arms- it's called my teeth.
- Liam has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing when I want to take a shower or eat. It's his cue to start fussing.
- The smell of his breath and skin is the best smell ever.
- Moments after he has eaten and is wide awake are the best. I'd like to think he is looking directly into my eyes but I know that's not true just yet.
- Parker seems to always be laying near Liam and frequently checks him out and gives him a lick on the side of the head. He must know he's here to stay.
- My life is on a three hour rotation. Every three hours the same thing must happen- feed and change Liam. The rest of my needs are squeezed in there most of the time.
- This mommy thing has certainly changed life as I know it for now. I'm hoping for a slow and steady transition into the outside world soon that includes life as a family of three.
I get tears in my eyes each time I watch this video. The moment was so surreal and amazing as I lay in the bed looking over as the nurses weighed him and cleaned him off across the room from me. This was our son. I saw tears welling up in Matt's eyes as our doctor skillfully delivered our baby boy and put him on my chest for us to see. I had been waiting for this moment where a delivery was a happy moment and not a solemn goodbye. And we got it. It felt so unbelievable that I was afraid to touch him. My hands were sweaty from grabbing the handles during delivery and I felt like I would contaminate his precious body. Once I came to my senses Matt and I spent time just staring at him while I held him for the first time.
Tuesday, October 27, I went to my regularly scheduled doctor's appointment to get an ultrasound. All along my doctor had told me that the baby was going to be on the larger size. Full term we might be looking at a 9-1/2 pounder. Hence the ultrasound check to determine weight which was estimated at 38 weeks and 6 days to be 8lb, 6oz. He knew I was concerned about having a cesarean and I desperately wanted to try to avoid it. I had been 4cm dilated for a few weeks and was now 5cm dilated. I was a ticking time bomb still working full time. 5cm can quickly become 10cm in an instant and I worked on the complete opposite end of town from the hospital. He said the magic words, "How do you feel about coming in tonight to have this baby?"
I had struggled with induction verses waiting for mother nature to deliver this baby for a couple of weeks. Well, mother nature wasn't going to be so forgiving on my special parts and honestly, that was a big concern for me. The baby's lungs and development were perfect, heart rate and amniotic fluid all in check. I felt comfortable with the decision to induce. I did not want to be forced into a cesarean because of the baby's size either and I felt that's exactly where we were headed.
We arrived at the hospital Tuesday night and settled in for a long 14 hour process of waiting for my body to be ready to deliver. The grandparents had all arrived and spent the night at the hospital waiting for his/her's much anticipated arrival. I got the okay to start pushing around 7am on Wednesday morning. It was a calm and quiet process. I pushed with the contractions then I took a cat nap before the next one. It was relaxing with the help of an epidural. At 9:18am "he" arrived with a full head of dark hair. He didn't have a name yet. Ten minutes later he was Liam Nash.
Liam Nash Collins Born on Wednesday, October 28th at 9:18am 8lb 7oz and 22 inches long
We are still on a high after Liam's birth and settling into our roles as caregivers and parents. It's so amazing to bring Liam home after going through the sadness of giving birth to Eli and Webber- babies we were never able to take home. I'll write later about the sequence of events that led us to that wonderful day. Right now I am taking a few moments before I need to feed him and pack his diaper bag for our first outing to the pediatrician tomorrow morning.
Thank you so very much to all of our family, friends and co-workers who have been aware of our past and been so supportive of our future. The amount of love and admiration for little Liam is amazing.
A quick little update. I hit 38 weeks in my pregnancy on Friday. My body seems to not show any signs of letting this baby go. This was quite unexpected for us so I've had to redirect my thoughts to know that I am going full-term. My brother and his wife and my little neice are coming to visit at the end of this week. When they booked the tickets I ASSURED them that the baby would definitely be here before then. Of course! Why would we think otherwise? Ha! Well, we will get some good quality time with them with or a without a newborn I suppose. Roll with the punches.
Monday night I was so uncomfortable that I called my doctor. I wasn't scheduled to have my cerclage removed until Wednesday but because of the situation he had me come in first thing on Tuesday to get it out. So yesterday we packed all of our bags, loaded the cameras and were ready for what may come. 50% of women go into labor right after this procedure so we had to be ready for anything.
The stitch came out at around 11am and I instantly dilated to 2-1/2 cm right away. A few hours later I was at 4cm. Yes! We were going to have a baby! We called our parents and they headed right over. Then about 4 hours later I was still at 4cm. No! I wasn't going to have the baby! My doctor decided it was best to send me home and wait it out. No reason to induce at this time. I was fine, the baby is fine. He/she just isn't ready to make their appearance.
So we enjoyed a big dinner with our parents last night and today I plan on wearing out a path at the mall in order to get this labor going. I've finished everything up at the office so I don't want to go back now! I am determined that today is the day.
It didn't hit me until about Friday that this may be the last weekend Matt and I will have alone as a couple. I have to say I am a little sad about it. I brought it up to him and he said he had been thinking about it for a few weeks now. When we first were married having children was not really a priority, in fact, neither of us even had the desire for them. We love to travel and spend time alone with each other. And we got so tired of hearing people say, "Enjoy it now before you have kids!" Life is not going to stop for us. It will be definitely be modified a bit but we won't use it as an excuse to not to get out and experience life. Our children will not define who we are as a couple. It will be a special part of us that make us a family.
Although we didn't get a lot from marriage classes prior to getting married there was one thing our pastor said to us that we will never forget. Your spouse takes priority before your children. Kids grow up and move out and if you haven't made your spouse a priority during that time then all of the sudden you realize you don't know the person you have lived with the last 18 years. If you don't have that bond with your spouse then what kind of example are you setting for your children?
I am so grateful for the 11 years Matt and I have had together, just he and I. Now we are moving on to another chapter in our lives and we very excited about being parents. But like I said, still a little sad to let go of our 100% independence of doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. What an amazing ride we have had thus far and the roller coaster of emotions that come right along with it. Looking forward to what the future will bring for us.
I’ve had several people ask how Parker will be once the baby is here. Here he is with Ella and I’m pretty sure he will fall right into the role of protector. He’s had full access to the nursery and hasn’t even stolen the irresistible squeaky toys tucked in a bin right at his level. He’s a good boy and I don’t suspect he will change much at all.
We are about a week away from my procedure, which will most likely lead straight into labor. I'm not nervous or anxious. I'm incredibly relieved to have made it to a point in this pregnancy where it’s okay for labor to happen. I have to re-train my brain to know that contractions and cramps are normal at this point and if my water breaks we can celebrate!
We are prepared mentally and cannot wait to touch, smell and see Cocoa Bean in person. Seems so unreal and I’m ready for it to become a reality. We started this journey almost three years ago and now we can finally be the parents we’ve always dreamed of being.
I've been a mom to Liam for exactly three weeks today. Here's what I have learned so far.
Although we didn't get a lot from marriage classes prior to getting married there was one thing our pastor said to us that we will never forget. Your spouse takes priority before your children. Kids grow up and move out and if you haven't made your spouse a 
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